Every birthday I take a little time to reflect on my personal, fiscal year. With this being my first go-round on the 30 loop, it seems only right to share it here.
Life changed for me almost instantly upon turning 30; I can’t help but to feel that was by design. I was forced to come to a screeching halt, a very unusual state of being for me. My entire life, I’ve only had one speed, full-speed. No matter what obstacles I encountered along the way, I kept going at all costs. There wasn’t much that life could throw my way that would waiver my determination and sense of direction–until I turned 30.
For the first time in my life, I was scared, I mean REALLY scared–for my life. The details are probably better served another day, but the result of it all was that I had to disengage my autopilot. I had to form an open dialog with life. No sense of direction, simply waiting for the next clue, and cue. I prayed, I asked questions to the universe, and I learned to wait. Wait patiently. I learned to be ok with no answer, or maybe a different answer than I had hoped. I learned that to live life, is to have a conversation, not recite a monologue. I learned just how fleeting and fragile life can be. I learned that it doesn’t really matter how things are supposed to be as long as you can be thankful for how they are. I learned to back away from the energy sinks in life and seek out the sources–often times in the form of people. I learned to say no. I learned that in some mesmerizing manner, all the good you’ve done will come back to you when you need it the most, from the most unlikely of places. I learned that it’s ok to surrender, and that there’s nothing to be ashamed of. God didn’t intend for life to be a fight. There’s a lot of peace to be found in facing your mistakes, purging your life of excuses despite their validity, and learning to move forward with a new way of being. I learned that I have no stake in someone’s successes or failures regardless of what I have, could, or would do for them. I learned that faith can get you through anything. I learned that life is short and when all is said and done, the only key to happiness is to just live it.
Cheers to another year of life and to living it to my heart’s desire.